* Log On - Make the barbecue hotter

* Log Off - Don't add any more wood

* Monitor - Keeping an eye on the barbecue

* Download - Get the firewood off the ute

* Hard drive - trip back home without any cold tinnies

* Floppy Disc - What you get lifting too much firewood at once

* Keyboard - where you hang the ute and bike keys

* Window - What you shut when it's cold

* Screen - What you shut in the mosquito season

* Byte - What mosquitoes do

* Bit - What mosquitoes did

* Mega Byte - What Townsville mosquitoes do

* Chip - A bar snack

* Micro Chip - What's left in the bag after you have eaten the chips

* Modem - What you did to the lawns

* Dot Matrix - Old Dan Matrix's wife

* Laptop - Where the cat sleeps

* Software - Plastic knives and forks you get at Big Rooster

* Hardware - Real stainless steel knives and forks from K Mart

* Mouse - What eats the grain in the shed

* Mainframe - What holds the shed up

* Web - What spiders make

* Web Site - The shed or under the verandah

* Cursor - The old bloke who swears a lot

* Search Engine - What you do when the ute won't go

* Yahoo - what you say when the ute does go

* Upgrade - A steep hill

* Server - The person at the pub that brings out the counter lunch

* Mail Server - The bloke at the pub that brings out the counter lunch

* User - The neighbour who keeps borrowing things

* Network - When you have to repair your fishing net

* Internet - Complicated fish net repair method

* Netscape - When fish manoeuvres out of reach of net

* Online - When you get the laundry hung out

* Off Line - When the pegs don't hold the washing up